If the flames look like this, then you've properly lit the wood on the grate, congratulations, and go to bed:īut if the fire looks like the photo below, then you've whoopsied big time. Second, if "No" is not in your vocabulary but you still don't want to star in the sequel to "The Burning Bed," here's the way to tell if you've done it right: start by staggering back AWAY from the fire and try to focus on the flames as best you can. Luckily, t he answer to your question is as simple as you are:įirst, just say no to drugs. Mistaking your rack for your grate could prove costly since firing up your log rack will get you 10-20 years for arson rather than a romantic evening at home.īut "HEY BUZZ!", you ask, " WHAT IF I'M THE ONE WHO'S BUZZED when I come home from a holiday parté and accidentally fire up my log rack instead of my log grate: how will I know?"Ī provocative question but more importantly incredibly stupid. The grate sits inside your fireplace the rack sits outside the firebox and holds your wood (Ok, that's hysterically funny-and Freudian-but let's just move on). This is a log grate:īE CAREFUL NOT TO CONFUSE a log grate with a log rack. A log grate is the metal frame placed inside the fireplace (often between the "arms" of the andirons) to prevent the wood or coal from falling out. I'll ask my therapist.Īnyhow, before we can get to andirons, we should talk about log grates. BTW, I SWEAR this tape shown below is the real thing-really-but I do wonder why I've kept it for 30 years. And when I had a hot date coming over, I'd put on my "crackling coals " cassette tape (see below) to create that oh-so- important romantic mood-it was actually very effective and my dates (all three of them) were never the wiser as to my faux romantic ambience. Moronic side note: When I was in my 30's and still a swingin ' single, I had a condo with one of those concrete log, gas-ignition fireplaces. Well, yes, if you're a complete moron (pronounced "MORE on"), this process is indeed that simple. You'd think this topic would be simple dimple right? After all, you just grab some andirons, throw on a coupla Cracklelogs, fire them up with your Aim 'N Flame lighter (btw, I can totally flame without aiming at all) and voilá: instant fire. So what could me more appropriate than a "hearth and home" post about antique pieces that enhance and beautify your fireplace? Yay ! Soon we'll start dreaming of a white Christmas, making our gift lists, and snuggling up to the fire with lots of hot cocoa and plenty of valium. It's almost that time of year.THE HOLIDAY SEASON. Come to think of it, I wonder where my mean sense of humor went? Probably to Los Angeles-meanness is highly prized there. Ok, I'm my biggest fan but it's so MEAN it's funny. But until I do, I often read older posts I did like this holiday post I wrote back on Novemabout all things fireplace.
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